I’m finding that people always turn their backs on you when you need them most. I’m fully aware that of what I said, I’m talking about actions. Those speak so much louder than my weak attempt last night. This past year has been so challenging in every way possible. I lost my grandfather and first love in the same week then my last grandfather a month later, started a new relationship only to have that go to shit, failed an entire semester, was sick for an entire semester, almost had the thing I value most about myself stolen and was then left to sit alone in my townhouse to cry while the boy I’m currently talking to emotionally cheated on me. I take shit every day from all of my friends for giving him another chance and have to exclude him from plans which makes things so much more difficult. Plus all the drama with you. The thing is, I would have been able to move past all this if I just had my best friend supporting me. All of this shit that has happened is just that: shit. The only reason it feels so overwhelming is because I haven’t had you, dude. I know I’ve been busy and distant but it’s all just been so hard. You’ve been so judgemental when all I’ve needed from you was unconditional support. I know I’ve made poor choices that you don’t approve of. I know I flip over things that are completely pointless. And worst of all, I know I haven’t given you the time I should. Tyler makes me forget for awhile. I got caught up in that. It was new and exciting and exactly what I needed for awhile to just forget what that asshole did to me. When shit got bad with him I needed you to be there for me even if you didn’t understand.

It hurts so much to see you so fine with how things are between us. You’ve been the one person I could always count on no matter the station. Seeing all those posts about how happy you are with the “black version of me” minus the complicated relationship history it hurts. You mean so fucking much to me and I’ve never needed you so much. Maybe this break really is for the best. I just miss you.

goodcrisser:

look at the second name

(via peetaah)